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by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angels don't sleep, Dean knew that.  But then why won't Cas wake up?  And even if he did, what could he say to the angel who'd taken a bullet for him?</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is the first fic I'm posting here (and in case anyone freaks out and says "hey I think I saw this on Tumblr, you must have stolen it," I didn't - I wrote it. It just so happens I'll be posting on both sites. I'm just looking for a broader audience)

He hasn’t slept in over 48 hours.

Sam knew Dean was used to taking care of himself, that he sometimes went to extremes when he had his mind set on something, but this was getting ridiculous.  And yeah, he knew WHY his brother was obsessing, but at the same time if it had been him… Dean would have made him take care of himself. 

“Dean,” Sam said softly, his brother jerking his head to show he’d heard.  He never took his eyes off the bed in the corner he sat next to hour after hour, waiting.  Sam crossed the room, resting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

The worst part had to be the way he crumbled when touched, Sam thought, swallowing the lump in his throat as he watched his brother’s grief stricken face. He’d been watching the steady deterioration for three days now, one in the car on the drive here, and two in this shitty motel room in a small town he couldn’t even remember the name of.  It hadn’t mattered where they went, just that they found a place a sleep fast…

“Dean, you need to get some sleep.”  Only a grunt for a response.  Sam looked at the untouched food on the bedside table, then at the way Dean’s knuckles were white as he gripped the hand of the apparently lifeless body on the bed.  “Have you been eating at all?  Look, getting sick isn’t going to help.  He wouldn’t want that -“

“You know what else he wouldn’t want? Huh?  To be stuck in a fucking coma, or whatever this is!”  Dean snapped, jumping to his feet.  Sam took a step back, unsure what to do.  He knew his brother was prone to outburst of anger when grieving, he’d done the same things after Dad had ‘died’.  But somehow this just felt worse.  “I did this to him Sam.  If I’d just… he never should have taken that bullet for me.”

“We have no idea what those bullets would have done to a human, Dean.  Look at how bad they wrecked someone who isn’t human!  You’d be dead if he hadn’t pushed you out of the way.”  Sam said, his voice catching.  Dean looked away, looking down into the face of the motionless person on the bed.  “He cares about you Dean.  He’d be wrecked if he knew you weren’t taking care of yourself because of him.”

“…Yeah, I guess you’re right.”  Dean sighed, finally letting go of the hand.  “I’m gonna catch a shower before anything else, okay?  Then I’ll sleep, I promise.”

As Dean walked away, Sam sat down on the edge of the bed, picking up the abandoned hand as a tear escaped him.  “You have to wake up soon Cas, he needs you…”

*****

It was too bright…

At first, Castiel thought he’d been sent back to Heaven. The light around him was so pure, so familiar and warm, but he knew almost at once that it wasn’t true. He was in too much pain for that to have happened…

_“Any change?”_

The voice was muddled in his ears, his brain sluggishly trying to catch up to what he was hearing.  Why, he wondered, couldn’t he match that tone with a face?

_“Nothing yet.  I said I’d keep watch over him for now.”_

That voice was easier, Cas mentally sighing in relief.  Sam Winchester, that was a good sign.  At least now that he knew he was with allies he could focus on getting his body to respond, to move.  If only he could just open his eyes, let Sam know he was conscious. Maybe then he could find out what had happened to Dean…

The last thing he remembered was the demons bearing down on the brothers as Cas struggled to make his way towards them through the mass of weaker demons, his panic as one of them pulled a gun out from under his leather coat.  Sam and Dean couldn’t have known the danger they were in, but he had.  It was an ancient weapon, nearly always fatal to anything it touched, especially humans.  It was legendary for taking out two weaker angels during the last great skirmish between Heaven and Hell, not to mention taking out scores of humans along the way.  No wonder he hurt so much, Cas thought. 

_“Where’s Dean?  I would’ve thought he’d have wanted to be right next to the feather duster until he woke up.”_   Bobby, Cas thought dimly, Sam was talking to Bobby.  Where WAS Dean? 

_“He’s sleeping.  He hasn’t left Cas’s side since it happened.”_   He could tell Sam was getting worked up, his voice was thick with emotions he was trying to keep under control in front of Bobby.  _“I’m worried about him. He might not have been the one to take the bullet, but he’d definitely still dying. I can’t get him to eat anything, and its been nearly three days. He’d been awake since we got here two days ago until I convinced him to sleep a few hours ago.  I don’t know what Dean’ll do if Cas doesn’t make it through this.”_

Bobby was not one to be trifled with, especially if his boys were threatened.  Even so, Sam was more than a little shocked when he strode across the room, grabbed Cas by the collar of his trench coat and started shaking him violently.

“Wake up you idjit!  You’re gonna kill Dean if you don’t snap out of it!  Don’t you dare take a bullet for him and then kill him with grief!” 

Cas’s eyes shot open.

*****

Cas started asking for Dean the moment he woke up, and hadn’t stopped since.

“You need to lie still, you’ll open your shoulder wound again.”  Sam said gently, frustration leaking into his voice. It had been a huge struggle to keep him still after he woke up and Dean was no where in sight.  Since then it had been tug of war to get Cas to stay in bed.  Bobby’d gotten so frustrated with him he’d offered to go pick up something to eat just for an excuse to leave.

“I need to see him.”  Cas said desperately, his face contorting with pain as he pushed away Sam’s hands and tried to sit up. 

“He’s fine, trust me.  Seriously, you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t calm down.”

“You don’t understand!”

“Cas, I do, just calm down.”  Sam tried to press him back down into the mattress, halfheartedly hoping Bobby would walk in any second and help him subdue the freaked out angel before him.  “My brother’s sleeping right now, okay?  You can see him first thing when he wakes up.”

“I need to see him NOW, I need to understand.”  Cas said feverishly, his hands moving to fiddle with his tie instinctively.  Sam had vaguely noticed it before and commented on it to Dean, both of them thinking it was the rare sign that showed the angel was uncomfortable.  “Only Dean can make this okay, he can explain why I feel like this.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I took a bullet for him Sam! That means something, doesn’t it?”  Cas croaked, his eyes glistening against the tears he felt there but didn’t fully understand.  Sam looked away from him, afraid to say anything that might upset him more. “I saw him about to die and panicked. I may have pulled him out of perdition before, but this time I sacrificed myself for him. I almost died Sam.  Doesn’t that mean something?”

“You’re right, this is something only Dean can help you with.”  Sam said, relenting the pressure he was using to keep the angel laying down.  Cas sat up slowly, his breathing unsteady.  “I’ll take you to him, but please let him sleep okay?  He’d barely left you since you got shot… he needs to rest.”

Cas nodded, allowing Sam to help him hobble into the other room.  When he saw Dean sprawled across the bed, the black bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, the tousled hair, Cas went quiet.  He honestly wasn’t sure if he was more relieved to see him breathing, or angry that he hadn’t been taking care of himself. 

“I’m going to lie down for a while. Don’t stress yourself out okay?  If you need something wake me up, not him.” Cas barely paid attention as Sam walked away.  His eyes were fixed on Dean’s face, drinking in every detail he’d overlooked before.

For a moment, the confusion he felt was gone.  Taking Dean’s hand gently between both of his own he blinked away a tear, not sure why he suddenly felt like crying. He wasn’t sure how passage of time worked on Earth, but as it grew dark behind the blinds over the windows, Cas began to dose.

Not wanting to wake either of the exhausted Winchester brothers, Cas crawled carefully into bed next to Dean still gripping his hand tightly.

*****

Warmth.

In the last few days since Cas had gotten shot, everything had felt cold and distant to Dean.  He couldn’t understand how Sammy could still function like a normal human being, why he looked at him with worry and not the injured angel.  He didn’t understand how someone he’d thought was so permanent in his life, so invincible could be so close to death.

He couldn’t even convince himself to open his eyes.  More than anything, he wanted to drift back off to sleep where nothing was wrong and everyone he loved was whole and happy again…

“How’s he doing?”  Dean was dimly aware that the voice was Bobby’s but didn’t understand why he’d be in their motel. When they’re called him initially, he’d said there was nothing he could do for Cas.  Why would he make the journey out here anyways?

“Still asleep last I checked.”  Sam said in a soft voice.  He couldn’t understand why, but Sammy’s voice was different.  It had lost the worried, panicked edge it had held for the last few days. 

“What’d say we go down to the bar for a drink?”  Dean couldn’t believe it, especially not when Sam said yes.  What if he’d really been asleep and Cas had gotten worse?  Did they really not care enough to watch over him for a little while longer?

As the door to the room shut behind his family, Dean sighed, knowing that meant he had to get out of bed.  Someone had to keep watch over Cas, his want of sleep would have to wait. 

For a minute, he thought he was still dreaming when he opened his eyes to see Cas lying in the bed beside him looking up at him like he was the one who’d been injured.

“Are you alright?”  Cas asked, his brow knitting in concern.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”  He asked.  The angel stayed quiet as Dean looked him over, his eyes finally landing on their intertwined hands.  A perplexed smile crossed his face as he watched Cad lazily tracing his thumb over his in small circles.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’ll survive.”

“That’s good; I’d hate to have to break in another angel to take your place.”  Dean said, instantly regretting his words when he saw Cas’s face shift to something close to anguish. 

“If you want another angel I’m sure that can be arranged.”  Cas sat up, hissing slightly at the pain it caused his shoulder.  Dean moved to help him but Cas pulled away, standing up on shaky legs.  Dean crawled off the bed, nervously standing behind him.  He’d barely taken six or seven steps before his legs gave out.  Dean grabbed him around the waist before he could hit the floor, holding him tightly against his chest as Cas weakly struggled to get free.

“I’m not letting go until we talk about this so just stop with the struggling.”  Dean snapped, his temper getting the better of his judgment.  The angel quieted, his hands shaking feebly at his sides.  “I don’t want another angel, I just want you okay?”

“Then why would you say something like that?”

“It was a joke. I was trying to lighten the mood.”

“Couldn’t you have just turned on a lamp for that?”

He didn’t bother trying to justify him with a response.  Ignoring his protests, Dean picked Cas up and carried him back to the bed.  The angel sat on the edge looking gloomy, refusing to meet Dean’s eyes.  Taking his hands Dean sunk to his knees beside the bed, peering up into Cas’s face.  He was surprised to see tears there.

“Why did that upset you so much?”  He asked, suddenly afraid to see Cas’s face when he answered.  He looked down at his hands, at the way their fingers fit perfectly together.

“I don’t know… It made me feel like… like I’d lost my grace.”  He said, his voice catching.  Dean looked up at him in confusion.  “It’s like… I felt like if you replaced me, if I wasn’t with you anyone, it was like losing a vital piece of myself.”

“Am I really that important to you Cas?”  Dean asked, swallowing against the lump forming in his throat.  He wasn’t prepared for this.  Worse, he didn’t know how to respond if Cas said yes.  But as the angel squeezed his hands gently, the panic ebbed a little to be replaced with something deeper. 

“Do I need to remind you that I got shot with ancient weaponry for you?”  Cas said, the hint of a smile hanging at the edges of his lips.  “I couldn’t let you die… I felt like I couldn’t lose you without losing part of myself in the process.”

He wanted to know if how he was feeling now was legitimate.  He just wanted to see if Cas would push him away if he tried.  More than anything, he wanted to know if he actually had the guts to act on his emotions.  Before the angel was fully away of what was going on, Dean was pulling him off the bed and into his arms, his lips descending over Castiel’s. 

And in that moment as they pulled apart, still grasping each other tightly, both of them were dimly aware of feeling for the first time as if they’d found a home they wanted to return to.

 


End file.
